Altered Book of the Self

So, here we are at the end of the semester, and it is time to talk about the Altered book of the self. As you well know, the ABotS (Altered Book of the Self, I get tired of typing it over and over) is the last assignment of the semester, and is a culmination of all the projects and topics we have covered during our time in class. We were asked to take a book that has distress/hate/disappointment or whatever that has caused us to look at the book in a bad way. My book was a trigonometry textbook that for whatever reason, I have kept for over 10 years. In my long student career at IUPUI, Trig is the only class I have ever received an F in. If it was just a matter of being bad at Math, I'd accept things, and move on. Truth is, the times I have dropped (and the single time I failed), were all my fault. Each time, I made a mistake of judgement that cause me to do terribly in the class. That being said, I have a kind of vendetta against Trig, and I am determined to take it again one day, and pass it. This is the sole reason I kept the textbook, though they have probably switched editions many times by now. Well, now it the time to change things up, and for me, It was time to change this hated book.

First, I glued it shut. The contents were not a concern for me anymore. I clamped it down, and glued it one side at a time.

Next, I had to hollow it out. That took FOREVER (Actually, I total of around 5 hours), cause I need the space in the book to house all the stuff I wanted to put in it. I glued the picture I drew for the "Flavor of Creativity" to the front, cause that is what the book is to me now, a creative endeavor. I took the little man I carved out of soap, that showed how hollow I always seen myself as, and installed the heart I need

I took this new man, and put him in the book. As I see it, I need to have a bit more heart to keep working hard. Not give up, but to keep doing my best to create the best work I can. I glued this into the book, along with an Egg (which represents the start of my journey), and some crayons (A tool we used in class on many occasions). I glued on the inside cover, the blind contour drawing of myself that was created by a fellow student. This drawing I altered to convey some of how I feel, and included it into the book to keep as a reminder as what I see, and thus what I need to keep vigilant to change, or keep the same.

Lastly, I decided to doodle in the book. I thought about the things I did during the bliss assignment, the contents of my coloring book, my love of fire, and other things. Also, I left in an ink pen. The pen is for myself, or others to add to the book. To keep it as a thing that can always change, that can always be creative. This last picture is the finished book.

That is all I have. I hope you have enjoyed this, as I have. It may not seem like it is to grand, but to me, it represents a lot of good lessons learned, and fun time had.

Take away #14

     So, after a little consideration, I was thinking about the last class. It is interesting the different fears that seem to resonate with people. Jonee, and his fear of Bees surprisingly hit home with me. I remember as a little kid, sitting outside of my house for hours, because there would be Bees near the front door. I also resonated with Danielle's fear of being alone. Her project of facing it reminded me of past and present experiences of doing the same. Between the rotting video, and a well formed Facebook survey; There were a lot of interesting approaches to the different fears presented.
     It is interesting as we near the end of the list (and the semester) of fears, how many of us share a lot of the same concerns.

Take Away #13

Fear Factor Day #2

This time around, after some time to contemplate last classes fear presentation, I think there is a pattern emerging. Seems like a large number of fear stems from either a fear of the future, or a fear of failure. It seemed that there were some that were so bummed thinking about it, decided to "opt out" of discussing their fear, and to pry open that box of uncomfortableness. Truthfully, I can't really blame those individuals for just doing something they found constructive, rather than dwelling on their perspective fears. I almost considered it (opting out) myself, but couldn't help digging once I started seeing all the correlating lines connecting my various fears/anxieties/worries/phobias. I think that now they have had to consider these things, most of them will think more about them when doing projects and work, and know that it is a real thing that hinders them. And in this knowing, maybe they can overcome the very things that thwart all of their creative endeavors. As the old PSA used to say:

Knowing is half the battle

Take Away #12

Last class was really interesting, in both sharing, and the feedback people gave. Mandy's fear of her projects never being good enough, I can realte to. Riley's fear of losing those close to her; I've been there. Steven's fear of the future (or lack there of) is something that plagues all of us with the debt we have waiting for us when we graduate. My own fear of failure. What really suprised me was how well recieved my sharing went. What I had considered to be very boring to others, seemed to resonate with them. The responses I was gathered were uplifting, enlightening, and heartfelt. SO my take away from class?

A) I'm not so alone in my fears as I thought I was.

B) I am a positive presence to more people than I ever thought possible

C) I think I can overcome my fears with some hard work, diligence, and help from my family and friends.

Yeah, This is do-able

Fear Factor

So, I started thinking about the assignment last week, really turning it over in my head. First, I thought about my worry of being alone. I considered my procrastination as a form of fear. I contemplated my anxiety of being overweight. As I started looking into myself, as I started analyzing the fears (including worries, phobias, and anxieties) that criss cross thru my ego, and I started to realize that most of them had a root cause; and underlying fear that weaved its way thru.

That fear is that of failure.

I'd like to say that it is just a fear, but it also an anxiety, and maybe a little bit of worry; all rolled into one. I guess I've kinda always known about my fear of failure, but I didn't know just how wide and deep it really runs. I think that at times, I won't succeed. Other times, I sabotage myself thru ill preparation, procrastination, or just avoidance of responsibility. This happens in my creative endeavors, and in other aspects of my life. I'd go into more detail, but for the most part it just makes me fill like a plain pale figure of no particular decreeing features; and that I have a hole where my brain should be, and a void where I feel that my heart (creatively and otherwise) should be.

Take Away #11

My progress so far is that I have really started to think about my true underlying fear. What is it? What could it be? What started out as a simple exercise on something that I am afraid of, has turned into an existential diagnostic being used to run down some serious problems in my own ego (literally my Ego, how I view myself). As I started the process, I realized as I started to go thru my differing fears, that there was a thread that ran thru all of them; a "root fear" if you will. I am very close to putting a name on it, but I don't want to claim what it is too soon, and not make sure that I'm not mis-identifying it. All in all, it is very disturbing to have these things revealed in such a way, but in the same breath it is also very empowering.

Take Away #10

     For this week's take away; I must confess I was not in class. It is the first class I have missed, and even though I was feeling rather ill, I felt guilty that I was not able to go to class. It is funny how age and perspective changes how you look at things. When I was younger, I wouldn't have thought twice about missing a single class; but at my age now, the thought of falling behind, or letting myself or instructors down is a very bad thing for me. That being said, the rest that I got from my absence has greatly helped me, and I feel like I'm at (or close to :) ) 100%.
     One more thing that I got from this week, was that I've been questioning my motivations for the fields of study that I have chosen. Fear plagues me about it; whether it is if I can actually finish the assignments to a degree of satisfation I am happy with, to whether or not I can make it as a content creator of any kind. I must say, this class has really got me digging deep into myself. Hopefully, I find the person that I feel can do what I dream of doing.

Who am I? Why am I here?

So, when I was thinking about this assignment, I really asked myself, "Who am I?" and "Why am I here?". I thought I knew who I was until recently; but when my Dad died in May of this year, I kinda lost a bit of my identity. Things like "Why am I here?", "Where am I going?",  "Where did time go?, and, "What do I do?" come and go thru my mind very frequently. I sometimes wonder if I am doing the right thing by continuing to go back to school. So, when I looked at the picture of myself that was drawn of me, I had to make it into a question mark, because I really don't know who I am. The fist shaking, that signifies my frustration with life. The half of a blackened broken heart, That is what loneliness does. Though the small spot of white on it, signifies that there is still hope in my heart. I am sitting down on a chair, cause I always feel like I am being lazy, though I am working a full time job, and am 2/3 full time going to classes; That chair is running on a treadmill going nowhere. All these things are much like the large splinter in my mind. And the thumbs up? Well, you gotta keep a positive attitude. No matter how hard things are, no matter how confusing things may look, you gotta keep your head up.

Take Away #9

The movie, Off the Map, was an interesting one. I liked some of the story, and the characters were engaging, but the part that spoke to me the most, was the man who was the IRS agent, but became an artist. I can relate to this character, seeing as I really didn't discover that I was an artist until a couple of years ago. Watching him discover himself as an artist really spoke to me. I can remember how I started to look at things differently, and to look at everything the spoke to me. The scene where he just stands there looking at the horizon, was something I think every artist has done at one time or another. It may not be as long as it was depicted in the movie, but definitely for a long span of time. It also reminded me of why I chose art. It reminded me that it isn't just about the "assignments", but rather expressing what speaks to you. No fear, no self-judgement, just creating. It was a good reminder for me, that as long as I am creating, I'm doing stuff right.

Take Away #8

I've had my fair share of existantial inner monologues, where I think about who I am, what I am, where I am going, that kind of thing. I have to say last class was the first time I really thought about what exactly identity is. The exercise itself if itneresting, especially considering the world we live in today. What makes me, me? What makes you, you? Does the fact circles of people see me differently say that my identity isn't as concrete as I have been lead to believe? Is the concept of identity one of the most misrepresented concepts to most people? After much thought, this topic has me thinking in a way I wouldn't have considered otherwise. This next assignment is gonna be .... interseting, to say the least.

Bliss Assignment

So, I have finished my 3 hours of "Bliss" time, and now it is time it do the assignment concerning some serious thinking concerning my altered book project. The following is 5 concerns/fears/anxieties that I have been on my mind, and here they are:


1) Procrastination. I do it often, sometimes out of fear, other times out of obligations, and every now and then, I think my subconscious does it to see if I can do it under pressure.

2) Construction. I have to consider the construction of the book, and what materials I will need to make it happen.

3) Time. Not only am I attending classes, but I am holding down a full time job. So far, no problems; but that isn't guaranteed to stay that way.

4) Creativity. Will I be able to make a project that can engage/speak/provoke people? Do I actually have that kind of talent?

5) Fulfillment. After everything is said and done, will this process benefit my skill set, or will I not get anything positive out of the project?



These concerns are what I came up with, and led to these questions:


1) Will I get the project done on time?
   
2) Will I get the project done to my satisfaction?

3) Am I actually creative enough to make something worth looking at?


I know some of these my sound strange, even downright dumb; but these are thoughts I struggle with often while thinking of my altered book. Even if I don't find straight answers to these, maybe others might find comfort in that they are not alone thinking in the same way.

Extra Credit

So, since I can write about anything; I'll discuss the fact that I can write about anything. I had considered talking about a creative solution I had at my job, and how being a creative person in a technical field had actually served me well; but that was boring. Then I thought about talking about some ideas I've had concerning some story ideas; then I remembered that they aren't quite flushed out, and they need some work. And then I had considered talking about my fears going into content creation, and wondering if I'll be good enough to "Make it". In the end, I just thought I'd ramble about whatever had just poped into my head.

:)

The flavor of creativity

This has been a difficult assignment for me. I chose to display this in a visual style, and it was hard for me to get started. I had a lot of rules going thru my head, as to how to position things, if certain other things were being represented right, if I had done what was required.

Then I really took a step back.

I realized sometimes, you just have to trust yourself, and just go with whatever is speaking to you. To not let yourself get wrapped up in the rules so much that is strangles your expressiveness and creativity. 'Cause if you do that, what really is the point of doing anything in this field? Below is my drawing. The grays represent the metallic magnet I put in my mouth (after washing it of course). The Grays represent the non-taste it had, and the smoothness of the texture of it. The rest of the colors from the field trip was Blue for cold and wet, for it started to rain at one point. The orange was for the laughter I heard all around me from my fellow students as we went around the building. The green was for the grass and others plants that I saw, as it all seems so nicely manicured around campus. Lastly, pink for the smell of flowers, and certain perfumes I could pick up from the ladies in our large group. I know you might not be able to see it well in the accompanying photo, but most of the colors overlap one another, just as my senses were doing the same.

"Bible" dipping

So, I was considering what I wanted to do for our assignment that says, "More"; and I thought of a painting I seen in another class called "The Big N". The painting at first just looks like nothing, except a small mark at the top and bottom of the canvas, and then you see it. You see the big N. So when we were given the word "More", that was the first thing that popped into my mind, and that is what I came up with, MORE. I hope you like it.

Rules were made ...

So, I spent quite some time thinking about this assignment, and what I thought was needed to complete it in a matter where I thought that it was complete. I considered the movie that we watched in class, and how that the artist took what was discarded, and turned it back into something that people wanted. I was kinda hitting a block, when I was reading a book on sequential narrative, and realized that there was quite a bit of rules. So I decided that instead of making a comic that had strict artwork and dialogue; I'd combine them into a comic that was an amalgamation of the two, where neither was strictly defined, but rather that they blended together. It turned out to be quite interesting! The concept seems to be very surreal, but also interesting. I like it enough, I think it is a concept worth exploring further.

Take Away #4

So, my take away from the class was a couple of things:

1) Always bring the materials that are asked of you in class, TO CLASS.

I have been thinking on what to do with my book for some time now, and it was a little relieving to hear I wasn't the only one having a bit of trouble on what to do. I am getting a clearer idea, but I'm still deciding on the particulars. Wish me luck...

and,

2) The movie we watched in class really resonated with me.

Since we didn't get to watch the whole thing; as soon as I left the room, I found myself a place to sit down so I could watch the rest of the film. I do have a tendency to be a bit soft hearted, but the film really had a sense of hope to it. It really showed how art can change people's lives, and for the better. It also galvanized my decisions on my choice of persuing both MAS and Herron classes. The film is a great example of people, and their ability to not give up. I just hope that whatever I do create, that it might do some good in this world :)

What If...

So, some ideas as to how I could alter my Textbook? Well, here are mine:

1) Burn it.
2) Soak it in water
3) Cut it into different shapes, to where as you go thru it, the shapes morph into one another
4) Shoot it
5) Doodle in it every day
6) Listen to music as you alter it, and make the pages represent the music you were listening to.
7) Bake it in an oven
8) Cut the different pages into leaves, so when you open it, its like leaves blowing in the wind.
9) Make the book into a giant flip book that will teach a lesson from the book.
10) Run it thru a grinder
11) Glue pages together, hollow out the book, and make a pot for a plant.
12) Cut the book in the shape of a circle.
13) Drag it behind my car.
14) Leave it on the roof of my house for a couple of months
15) Cut it in the shape of a duck.
16) Turn it into a terrarium for a turtle
17) Turn it into a Paperweight
18) Cover the pages in honey, and see what the insects will turn it into.
19) Convert it into a portable Hard Drive enclosure
20) Use it for knife throwing target practice.
21) Put a steak in it, and give it to a bear
22) Use a Bandsaw, and cut it into a triangle.
23) Get acid, and burn a hole thru it
24) Make it into a pair of sandals
25) Make it into a bird feeder
26) Put wheels on it, and make it into a car
27) Make it into a quadrocopter
28) Make it into a portable sled.
29) Make it into a hat.
30) Make it into a tray for various paints for painting
31) Turn it into a pencil holder
32) Make it into a photo book
33) Make it into a TV Tray
34) Make the Front cover into what would look like a sewer lid, and the inside you would see TMNT stuff
35) Turn it into a personal safe
36) Make it into a netbook housing
37) Turn it into a Doorstop
38) Make it into a doorway
39) Turn it into a Boat.
40) Convert it into a seat cushion
41) Make it into a set of chalks
42) Construct an Ant Farm out of it
43) Make a Graphic Novel out of it
44) Make a hovercraft out of it.
45) Make it into a hand puppet
46) Make it into a periscope
47) Construct a dustpan out of it
48) Make a viewfinder from it
49) Make it into a catapult
50) Make it into a mobile chess set

I hope these ideas might help myself, or maybe inspire someone else in their endeavors to make a great project. :)

Class take away #3

Doodling was a great assignment, and was also very cool observing other people's doodles. I guess if I had anything to take away from the class time for this week, it is that you can never underestimate how people can look and create things in such a variety of ways. I figured going into the class, that everyones assignments would be rather redundant, but the opposite was true. To be honest, I could never have dreamed up some of the stuff other students did. Also, I had fun trying to give people the ideas that were in my head at the time I was doodling various aspects of my creation. All in all, a very productive class IMO.

Jimmy wanna doodle all the day!!!

So, I found this exercise a bit hard to start; but one I got going it was hard to stop. I found that as I went, and created lines and shapes, I would start to complete images from whatever I was thinking about, or whatever my mind associated that particular object with. My mind was free to just do what it wanted to, and it actually felt really good. Also, some of the images I created that just kinda happened are kinda neat! I could see myself creating backstory for a lot of them, and for others, they would be an illustration of a story that just needs to be completed. I had realized the value of sketching and doodling before; but doodling has an all new respect for me.

My Doodle :)

Take Away #2

Todays class was really interesting because of the focus on how we are the real authority on what are art is, and how we create it. Sometimes, as was demonstrated several times during the course of the class, we use inherited rules and structure for ideas and solutions that we really should not apply to anything at all. When discussing the textbook, and "Making it Pretty", I had never thought that my additions would actually benefit anyone. Now though, maybe I shouldn't discount my additions to anything so quickly; but rather try new things, and see where it goes (and do this much more often :) ).

Egg Assignment

I found this assignment to be a bit difficult. First of all, the original egg that was given to me was discarded by my mother. I had placed it in the refrigerator, but didn't have the opportunity to do anything with it, as my Mom discarded it thinking it "didn't look too good".  So,  I decided to acquire another egg to replace "Mark I".  Well,  now that Mark II was in my possession, I was waiting on some inspiration for something. I was perusing Facebook, when I was looking at some photobombs. I thought, "Hey, that might be pretty funny to see my egg ... Eggbombing? Well, here are some pics to show that concept. I thought it was a bit amusing, and hope you do too :)

Class Take Away #1

August 25th, 2014

     As I sit in the Law building, and reflect on what I think stuck with me the most; I really don't think it was any one thing, but rather a few things. The first interesting thing was how we started the class. We arranged the room, to where we all had to look at one another, and it brought me back to elementary school (which for me, was a long long time ago), with a fond recollection of learning, for the sake of learning. The second thing was the introductions, which weren't different because we had to introduce, but rather that we had to talk a bit about ourselves, and WHY we wanted to take this class. I really was surprised to find that a lot of people had the same concerns and goals as I have myself. In a way, that inspires me and strengthens my view of myself. I'm not the only one who struggles with developing my own ideas, or feels like they are starting over from previously decided (though now abandoned) career paths, to follow their ambitious dream. Most of all, I was surprised by the very vibe I am getting about the class as a whole. That vibe is all about working on yourself, and helping others around you to do the same. I have to say, I am liking things so far :)

Optimistically Hopeful,

James Conover II