Fear Factor

So, I started thinking about the assignment last week, really turning it over in my head. First, I thought about my worry of being alone. I considered my procrastination as a form of fear. I contemplated my anxiety of being overweight. As I started looking into myself, as I started analyzing the fears (including worries, phobias, and anxieties) that criss cross thru my ego, and I started to realize that most of them had a root cause; and underlying fear that weaved its way thru.

That fear is that of failure.

I'd like to say that it is just a fear, but it also an anxiety, and maybe a little bit of worry; all rolled into one. I guess I've kinda always known about my fear of failure, but I didn't know just how wide and deep it really runs. I think that at times, I won't succeed. Other times, I sabotage myself thru ill preparation, procrastination, or just avoidance of responsibility. This happens in my creative endeavors, and in other aspects of my life. I'd go into more detail, but for the most part it just makes me fill like a plain pale figure of no particular decreeing features; and that I have a hole where my brain should be, and a void where I feel that my heart (creatively and otherwise) should be.